I Don't Like Labels

2012-02-08T07:55:00.001-08:00

http://finkorswim.com/2012/02/07/an-atheist-who-loves-orthodox-jews/

Gur Hasids and Sexual Separation

2012-02-08T07:54:00.001-08:00

http://www.haaretz.com/weekend/week-s-end/gur-hasidim-and-sexual-separation-1.410811

Questions for rabbis

2012-02-03T06:59:00.000-08:00

I started a Word doc to keep track of the rest of my rabbi questions:

Reading Lamm's "The Jewish Way in Love & Marriage"..I came up with the following:

1.) "The dowry is distinct from property or possessions that the bride owns and continues to own privately throughout marriage...The bride's private property, called nikhsei melog, is given outright to the bride, the husband enjoying only the "fruit" (usufruct) during marriage. It is not part of the dowry and is not included in the ketubah."

So..the dowry doesn't include everything I have or have bought before the wedding? This 'private property' (which = what, exactly?) is given to me, which the husband enjoys throughout the marriage.

2.) What does 100 pieces of Silver = today? What about 200 pieces of Silver? Why not just a solid bar of Gold? Or a set amount of money? What happens if a Hungarian marries an Italian? Do they pay in one or both currencies? Or US dollars?

3.) ("This ketubah de'irkhesa is required, even today, for everyone who has misplaced or lost the original ketubah.")

Can you have 2 Ketubas? Like, have one framed at home, and then a duplicate in a safety deposit box, just in case the one at home gets destroyed?

4.) How complicated IS a Ketubah for converts? "The ketubah is a very complicated document, especially for widows, converts, and divorcees." Why? How so?

4A.) Perhaps because they get paid a different amount of money than never-married virgins?

4B.) Converts are considered to be non-virgins, because it is assumed by the Gemara that they had sexual intercourse during their time as non-Jews. And the law is stuck like that. That is why converts cannot marry kohanim.

~~Why does Halacha assume that all converts have had sex?~~

"trust the alleged parentage of a convert" - If I said my mother's Jewish I wouldn 't be converting. Why would something like that be lied about?

A friend's response to that:

The Talmud indeed says that if a person admits to something we would not have known otherwise, then we trust them, because they could have just lied. For example, the Talmud says, if a woman tells us that she WAS married BUT got divorced, then we trust her that her divorce is kosher, without proof, because she could have just lied and told us she has never been married. The Talmud's logic is, if you trust the person on one count, you must trust them completely, and if you do not trust them, then you must completely not trust them. So I wonder, why cannot we say that here? I.e., either we trust you when you tell us your mother is not Jewish, and so we should also trust you when you say you're virgin, or else, if we do not trust you about your virginity, then we should not trust you when you tell us about your mother.

either you lie about everything, or you tell the truth about everything. We either trust you or we don't. Either we trust you about both your mother and your virginity, or we distrust you about
both. We cannot pick and choose. Either you are telling the truth both when you say your mother is a gentile and that you are a virgin, or else you are lying about both. So I'm not sure why we do NOT say that, about converts, vis a vis virginity and marrying kohanim.

Today, You can’t even determine who is and is not a virgin.

Why does it matter if the woman is one or not? I can see why it mattered in ancient times, but today, there seems to be no reason.

5.) What about secular wedding ceremony traditions (father-daughter dance) - can they be incorporated somehow into a Jewish wedding? It's my dad, after all. And MUST my wedding dress be white? What's if it's slightly not?

6.) What is the difference between ha-adam and ha-adama (aside from one being a bracha)?

~~If my birthday is within the 3 weeks, how can I celebrate?~~

Before, says the rabbi. But after talking about it with a friend, I think I'll have a few friends over after the 3 weeks; maybe order Italian for it, or maybe just go to the restaurant, despite it being across town! :-)

Which brings me to questions about the 3 weeks:

-not allowed to shave.

I work in an office, wear stockings every day, and can't NOT shave. I'm not going to wear opaque black stockings for pretty much the entirety of July, I'm sorry. And as I don't wear trousers, not shaving is not negotiable.

and one about the 9 Days:

-refrain from wearing newly laundered garments, or laundering any clothes.

I can do all my laundry before the 9 days start, so I'll have clothes for work before and after.

Kohanim and Converts

2012-02-03T06:43:00.000-08:00

This week, I found out why Kohanim can't marry Converts. It's because everyone assumes that converts must have slept around before converting, and as a result, are off limits to Kohanim.

I find this ridiculous! I can see why it mattered in ancient times, but today... no. Emailing about this with a friend, he said it's "awfully forward and brazen of me to say" that I haven't had sex. Wouldn't it be *more* so to say I have?

I mentioned this whole thing to a rabbi this week, one I'm comfortable around, and he said that that's another thing to let a Shadchan know (whenever I get to that point, that is). Just because someone is a BT, or a Convert, doesn't meant they've had the same experiences. As he put it, 'a party boy who found G-d after throwing up who knows how much liquor,' probably isn't going to be a match for a bookworm who hung out in the library.

He actually knows a guy like me, and whenever I'm done with this process, depending on the guy's age, academic background, and level of attraction, I'd be interested.

Meeting

2012-01-08T11:55:00.000-08:00

My meeting with my new rabbi was fine.

Once I started telling him about me, I was less nervous. He was okay with me, too, and is fine with keeping things quiet. He surprised me though, by telling me that there are 10 converts in the community.

:-o Whoa! I don't know what I was expecting, but it sure wasn't that! :-p :-)

He offered to introduce me to the ladies, so I can spend Shabbos with them and see what they do, but I told him I'd think about it. If he tells them, I can't control who they would or wouldn't tell.

I told him what I know/do (Kosher, Shabbos Davening, Tznius, Shabbos [2 in-a-row now, except for 1 thing]), and what I need to work on (after bracha davening, weekly davening). I told him how I know about TH, and plan to wear a sheitel, and that I love that TH is his background! He seemed to like that, 'cause he smiled and laughed a bit when I said it.

I told him who the rabbis were where I lived before, and how I got in touch with the local Bais Din (Thank you, JewInTheCity! <3 ), and then how I came to his community.

He also asked me about my family, and their take on my frumming out a few years ago, and that my parents are split on the issue (aside from each other), though my mom's better about it than my dad and his side of the family. He also asked my age (27), and I said that, while I'm Shomer, even if I could date someone right now, there's no one TO date, 'cause I'm not interested in anyone.

I'm so glad he's nice, and that he's willing to keep my converting quiet. I told him how I see myself as a BT, because I've been doing a lot for awhile now. When he asked me if there's anything I don't like, I told him it drives me crazy when people talk to me as if I don't know anything!

He said we could meet every few weeks to go over Shabbos and Halacha questions, and I could get to know his wife. I'd like to. I guess now all there is to do is hit the books, and keep taking down questions! :-)

Shavua Tov!

Rabbi Meeting

2011-12-27T10:47:00.001-08:00

My cool rabbi, who is only a few years older than me, is my go-to for questions/how I'm feeling with things. After telling him about Shabbos, he feels that this whole thing could get bad, since no one knows my status except for my room mate (and I asked her not to say anything to anyone). However, she thinks that people finding out in May about my status would be weird.

Cool rabbi said to call the rabbi who's Head of the Beis Din, and ask him about it (or just firm up who my sponsoring rabbi is, and who I'll be studying with on a regular basis). I called him motzei Shabbos, but haven't heard back yet.

Yes, this could get bad, but it might not.

Pretend for a second I work for the CIA or MOSSAD's Kidon. Who I work for is no one's business. I'm not obligated to tell anyone, and why should they want to know. My Jewish background, and current status, is no one's business except mine, and those select few directly involved, or who I choose to tell about it. Converting should be the same way.

Moved In and Settling

2011-12-27T10:46:00.001-08:00

I'm all moved in and am settling in, and this past Shabbos was not without its merits.

Let's start with Friday night. Friends of my roommate who also live in my building invited me for dinner. I heard that a family was coming as well. After a knock on the door, the family comes in. I recognized one of the girls from 3 years ago, and didn't know she was in the area. We were a bit shocked to see each other. I later found out that she, like everyone else in the room, goes to the Liberal Orthodox shul. I found this out after dinner when saying good-bye. She said she would see me tomorrow in shul, but I just smiled and said, "Oh, I'm going to [Yeshivish shul].'

DEAD SILENCE FOR 3 SECONDS.

Great.

I hung around a bit more, before walking downstairs to my place.

The next morning, I get up, have some cholent for breakfast since I stirred it, and then went off to shul.

Each week, I meet more and more of the ladies. Which is fine. I'm sorta' glad about my status, because this is the 2nd week that one of the men tells me he's single.

o_O

Nevermind that he's in his 40s, AND had his girlfriend? or just a close female friend? right next to us when he said it.

So, he introduces me to this rocket scientist ( I kid you not), and then to this couple who invite me to lunch. I'm really torn at this point, since all I want to do is to go home, hang out in my pjs, and read all afternoon while noshing on the cholent that I made for the first time in 3 years, which came out pretty good, if I do say so myself.

But no, I was polite and accepted the couple's lunch invitation. Their lunch was fantastic. I'm glad I went. Except for one thing: someone asked me my Hebrew name and I said I didn't have one.

DEAD SILENCE for 3 seconds.

sigh

After lunch, Guy-who-told-me-he's-single offered to walk me back towards Shul so I could figure out how to get home. On the way, what does do? Re-asks me, or confirms? my lack of having a Jewish name. I tell him that's true, because I was raised in an unobservant household. He seemed satisfied with this, and doesn't any more questions.

However, he uses us walking to tell me about himself. As in, more information that I would have liked to know after meeting someone 2 hours ago. Like the fact that he apologized for kinda' pushing the lunch invite, even though I made lunch for myself. His reasoning for my wanting to have lunch alone, was that I must have just come out of a 2 year relationship with a non-Jew (which was his reasoning for eating alone for more than a few weeks, and recently from what I could tell). He said that many in the community shunned them, or were only comfortable going to a few houses. The girl had no intention of converting, and they broke up.

I have no idea what is going to happen over the coming weeks. At shul, the rabbi and his wife invited me over for lunch at some point, and I already have plans to go to someone's for lunch this week, so I have no idea when I'll get over to the Rabbi's house. I kinda' feel obligated to tell him, but then again I don't.

Shabbos #1 at New Shul

2011-12-27T10:17:00.000-08:00

Note: As I write this, I'm all moved into my apartment. This post goes back a few weeks, to the first time I went to my new shul.

After exchanging pleasantries with an older man, who's a native speaker of an uncommon language I've studied for 4 1/2 years, he introduces me to his male friend who's older than he is.

This friend starts his conversation with me as follows (I kid you not):

"Hi. I'm single. Would you want to meet up sometime?"

o_O

To clarify even further, this man is older than my father, and has white hair.

I'm shocked, and don't even know how to begin my response. But I vaguely remember looking down, and softly saying no.

I admit, I could have been a bit more polite, I was just shocked. I mean, what 27 year old expects to be asked out by a man older than her father? And at shul, no less?

Frum Girl Rhodes Scholar

2011-11-29T08:08:00.001-08:00

http://www.thejewishweek.com/news/new_york/rhodes_scholars_get_first_frum_woman

Dating?

2011-11-28T07:24:00.000-08:00

I know I'm not supposed to date. Anyone. People are and do but that's a whole nother issue for a different day.

I'm puzzled over the below situation:

I met up with a language friend motzei Shabbos. He (let's call him M.) and I study less-commonly taught languages, and have lived and worked in the countries we've focused on in school. He's vegetarian, and seems to want to to make an effort to go to kosher restaurants so that I can have "real food" instead of just coffee or doughnuts. Aside from him being 21, and looking older, (and me 27, but looking early 20s), is that while he identifies and was raised as Lutheran (ELCA), his mother is in fact, Jewish. But he doesn't know a thing about Judaism.

We have plans to hang out again, and tentative plans to go to operas and ballets in the winter (which are black tie).

I figure there are 2 options if we were to date:

1.) Stop converting and date him. Yes, his mother's Jewish, but he was raised Christian, so really, it would be just 2 people dating.

2.) Stay friends, or maybe try to date. My converting might be the thing that shows him the beauty of Judaism so he would become more interested in it.

3.) How freaking crazy is it that I would have to convert to date him, even if he's extremely secular by Jewish standards...

So, between this and my last post, there's a huge shortage of eligible guys.

My only options are men my father's age (who are definitely out!), or guys in their early to mid 20s, and not Jewish, but who are fine with how I live my life.

Then again, reading Skylar's blog:
http://crazyjewishconvert.blogspot.com/2011/02/why-you-shouldnt-date-during-conversion.html

"Similarly, if your new partner isn't orthodox but you're in the orthodox conversion process, that is enough to derail your conversion for "not being serious." Many people approach the conversion process because they're dating a nonobservant Jew, but the nonobservant Jew normally studies to become observant as you study to convert. If you begin dating a nonobservant Jew after you've started your process, the rabbis don't expect that the other person will begin becoming observant but will actually draw your observance back."

I've never compromised my standards for anyone, with kosher food or otherwise. Friends have told me that I've been picky when it comes to guys, but then add this whole Jewish thing I'm into, and you have a twice as complicated situation.

But then I saw this, also on the Crazy Jewish Convert blog (don't remember the post otherwise I'd include the link for you):

1.) Don't date your former bf, and stay in the process.

M. and I haven't dated but what if I have that option? I'd be interested, even despite our age difference.

Another thing is that when my conversion is complete, I'm not going to be married within a year or 2. Okay, I mean, even if that *does* happen, I don't know if I want children. Soon after getting married or at all. I'm looking to start my career, not stay at home and have 4 kids in the next 7 years.

My background is a specific skill set, mostly comprising less-commonly taught languages, but history and politics as well. I also love to travel. I don't think my "wanderlust" has gone away since I've gotten back to the US, but I do want to continue to travel. Constantly moving, on the other hand, is something that's started to tire me. I want to live in one place for a set amount of time, and not have to move across the country, or take a trans-Atlantic flight to get home.

How am I to find a guy that meets all of the above? Those won't be compromised either. I don't see myself living in Teaneck or Passaic, even though I prefer that type of shul, but am firmly in the Modern world with my academic background and interests.

Browsing Aish, I found the following link:
http://www.aish.com/d/w/48955756.html

and in particular this short list:

"There are three basic ways we connect with another person:

chemistry and compatibility
share common interests
share common life goal"

the second half of 1. and all of 2. are there. If it gets to the point where 1. is completely checked off, then I don't know what decision I would make.

Talking with male classmates in undergrad, traits 1 and 2 have always been there, but the difference would be with religion, so we remained friends and didn't try to date.

Now, with M., is the exact same situation.

How frustrating!

Shuls + Dating Ages = Horribly Bad Shidduch Crisis

2011-11-28T07:20:00.000-08:00

The city I work in has a Modern Orthodox shul, where the married ladies wear short-sleeved dresses with hems above the knee, or tight skirts, and hats or tichels where you can still see their hair.

That area is expensive to live in, so I'm moving to an area with 2 Orthodox shuls (one extremely liberal Modern Orthodox; the 2nd decidedly Black Hat). The commute to work is longer but oh well.

There's also a third shul, which is less Black Hat but still Right-Wing Orthodox.

I like Shuls 2 and 3 the best. I spent shabbos at all 3 shuls and prefer the Black Hat shul. Except for the fact that a man older than my father asked me out for a date! :-o

I went to the liberal MO shul as well, just to give it a try, and was leered at and was said hello to, by another older man old enough to be my father. ::head desk::

Where are all the guys my age???????????????????!

Answer: Married.

Back in US

2011-11-28T07:14:00.000-08:00

Dear all,

I know I haven't been updating, so here's a nutshell recap:

I'm back in the US and have formally started the conversion process with my local Beis Din.

Saint Stephen's Weekend in BP

2010-08-21T09:02:00.000-07:00

There were several guests at dinner Friday night, and I met some local guys my age, who were quite stunned when one of the guests began to speak Hungarian to the crowd. One leaned over in the middle of the man's speech, to ask if I understood anything. When I said I'd understood a bit, he responded that I was the only one! :-o !!

I understood most of what this speech guy was talking about, but when the guys asked me what he had said, I couldn't remember enough to retell it after the fact. :-/

After talking to this guy and his friend over the course of dinner, the friend told me that I know the (Hungarian) grammar really well, and that despite a few mistakes, he wasn't expecting to hear my accent when I speak. :-)
Guy Number 1 studies medicine at the medical university here, could tell I'm foreign, but couldn't tell if I was English or not. :-p

Oh, and something that really bothers me! If I ask them to repeat something, they'll say it

one...word...at...a...time...

ugh! I can follow you, just don't speak so fast!! Sheesh!

I also met an Israeli girl at dinner. Or maybe she's Hungarian. I have no idea. But her Hungarian was *really* hard to understand! I think she must be Hungarian, but since she lives and teaches in Jerusalem, and therefore speaks Hebrew, maybe her Hungarian has taken on a Hebrew accent? (Like last summer when my Romanian professor told me that I had a Hungarian accent when I spoke Romanian [which I was totally unaware of])...
Or maybe it's the other way around? Maybe she...no, that's not right. Why would an Israeli, who lives and teaches in Jerusalem, be fluent in Hungarian? She must be Hungarian, and speak Hebrew because of where she lives, and that in turn influences her Hungarian... Maybe my Linguistics friends can shed some light on this...

Oh, and the speech guy. He had a Yiddish accent in Hungarian. Maybe that's why the guys, or everyone?, had a difficult time understanding him. Or maybe it was how he put sentences together? Although, when he was talking, I made mental notes on his mistakes, but didn't want to correct him, since there were *more* than enough locals to do that (and who did [at least in the beginning])!

---------

Saturday morning I was up and out around 10 and after 15 minutes, who do I run into but a friend from the conference! He was going to a book shop and we caught up a bit, talking about the politics of studying certain areas of the world, and then parted ways as he went to meet his wife and I headed for the synagogue.

Lunch at the synagogue was jaw-dropping! There was this older guy there, who turned out to be not only from CA, but the area I'm from, has lived there 20 years, and his grandson graduated high school 4 years ago, at a high school across town from me!! Who woulda' thought! He asked where my parents live, and when I named the cities, he nodded like a local would! :-) This guy and his wife spend 6 months here, and then are in Palm Springs for the other half of the year. He left Hungary in 1956 after the Revolution
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hungarian_Revolution_of_1956), when he was 8, and he chatted with a visiting rabbi who was also at lunch; over - and I mean this in the nicest way possible - who among their relatives were sent to which concentration camp: Dachau, Mauthausen, and Auschwitz. The rabbi's relatives to Germany, this guy's to Austria, and relatives of his, outside the capital, to Poland, and how anyone sick (or diabetic) was immediately sent to the gas chamber.

The guy gave me his card and told me to get in touch, saying how I'd have to meet his wife. They're leaving sometime in October to go back to California (CA), and are here visiting his wife's parents, who live in the old part of Buda, also known as Obuda (literally Old Buda). Since he was headed to the rabbi's for lunch today, I'll e-mail him tomorrow. I had lunch with a few people at the synagogue, which consisted of bread, hummus, baba ganoush, egg salad, corn/cucumber salad, and cholent! :-)

Budapest Jewish Quarter

2010-08-04T06:51:00.000-07:00

Hi, so I recently received a friend request on Facebook and accepted, but I haven't updated this blog in about a year. So, I was in Glasgow all of last year, and am now in Budapest.

I've been renting a room in the Jewish quarter. The hostel I found online had 12 beds to a room, and the lockers didn't have locks, so since I didn't want to risk anything since I have everything with me for school and this conference, I decided to look elsewhere for the week's accommodaton. Since I was here a month ago, and found it easy to navigate around the Jewish quarter, I used that as a starting point/home base. I remembered the pizza store ladies, but the store was closed on Sunday. I went down the block to one of the restaurants and explained the situation I was in, to the waiter that's always there. He remembered me from last time and was able to help. He also remembered that I don't speak Hebrew, which was nice. The main lady who's there isn't the friendliest, but maybe that was because the restaurant that day was pretty full!

The main lady made a phone call and I waited an hour or so for the guy to come over to the restaurant. Since I was there, I got soup for dinner: meat soup with vegetables and pasta, which was pretty good. While I waited for my soup, an older couple came in, followed by a French family, and then a group of people who could have only been there on an arranged date: a young couple and their parents, trying to see if this would be the day their child would have a successful shidduch! I passed this last group when I went to wash my hands, and on the way back to my table, neither young person looked pleased with the situation they were in.

The older couple: the wife, was fairly rude to the waiter in the way that she asked for a menu. No, not the menu, but the paperwork that says the type of kosher food supervision and which rabbi oversees that supervision. She was married and wearing a wig that seems to be a bit too young for her, style-wise.

Then this lone older lady comes in and sits down at the table next to me. The main lady came over and they started chatting. I don't know if the older one, or both, are matchmakers, but from what they were talking about, they sure could have been! First they were talking about this English guy, -- well, this guy -- who studied in Manchester, in England, and then they switched to some girl's Sheva Brachos. I don't know if they were trying to set up the sister of the girl who got married, with the guy from Manchester, but it was an interesting conversation, nonetheless! At least what I could understand...

Then the guy who was going to show me the room I'm staying in, showed up. We spoke English on the phone, and then I said hello and such to him in Hungarian. Well, the main lady just LOVED this (<--sarcasm). She's like, "She's American but doesn't want to speak English...?" and threw her hands up, glancing at the other lady and the guy, who didn't seem to mind whatever language we spoke.

I really don't like Hungarians who do this. Just like I don't like Hungarians who repeat back to me in English whatever I've just said/asked them in Hungarian. Fortunately, that hasn't happned too much yet, and I hope it won't become a habit.

PS: I have limited internet so I might not be back til the 9th.

Getting ready to leave

2009-08-23T11:34:00.001-07:00

I've been packing and getting ready to leave the US for the UK.

I'll be my new home this week! Wow, I can't believe it!

I don't know if I'll keep up this blog after I get over there.

Frusterated and angry but excited too!

2009-05-31T21:17:00.000-07:00

So, I'm on a Frum dating site where you can message guys all over the world. I hadn't really been on in awhile and decided to look around. I messaged one guy and continued to look around.

'One guy' mentioned above will hereafter be known as Guy#1. He's in the London area and a teacher. He seemed interested in talking at first. Albeit, it was a bit rushed because it was just before Yom Tov. He called me fascinating then rushed off for Shavuot.

Speaking of, I've been sick all week and therefore couldn't have had cheesecake anyhow, but that's not the point. I love cheesecake but it prob'ly would have made me worse than I am. So, I wrote him a lengthy message about my academic interests and everything and made sure to say that "My mother's side isn't Jewish, just my father's side..."

to which he responded:
"Your mother's side not being Jewish would mean you're not halachically Jewish as far as I understand it, am I right?"

I'm not going to bother writing back to him. It wouldn't be dignified. But of course the *right* thing to do would be to send him a message in reply, even if it is something small.

I don't get it. Why is he asking for a re-affirmation? Does he think this a joke???

His reply was short, a mere 4 points. Shortly after the above response was the brush-off, albeit a polite one: "...You are an extremely interesting person - far more than I could ever be..."

Looking at other profiles, I came across one in particular I was absolutely stunned to see, let me tell you! Guy#2 is Modern Orthodox and studies Chinese!! I love his profile; we have so much in common: personality traits, lifestyle choices, interests, mutual places around the world to one day visit... he sounds like a dream.

I couldn't believe it! I still can't. I'm still expecting a message saying it's all a joke and that he is in fact North American because his English is so perfect!

I sent him a message asking if he'd like to message and he responded amicably! He's impressed by my field of study, "something so distinctly un-American," and dared me to poll random people on campus to see if they know what my field is. My jaw dropped when I read that. Here's this guy who studies Chinese and is either familiar with my field of study or googled it upon receiving my message, and has dared me to poll strangers with it. I'd love to take his challenge, but I'm afraid I already know the answer...It's worth a shot though... :-)

I think he underestimates Americans. Given his field of study I thought he might be at 1 of a very small number of schools which offer less commonly taught area studies programs, one of which is in London. I asked him if he was at the London school and he said no, but at a school near his city which I have heard of. A former classmate studied there and I visited her over Thanksgiving break a few years ago when she and I were spending the same semester abroad, though in different cities.

He's currently in Europe and shortly moving elsewhere, whereas I am in the US and shortly moving to the UK. Technicalities notwithstanding, he's not sure it'll be a good match, but I don't have a problem with it. Even if we were in the same city, it's not like we would be touching anyhow...

A story for you:
Friends of mine, 3 years apart, met during undergrad in VA when he was a senior and she a freshman. After graduating, he moved to Russia for his Master's while she finished her BA. After finishing his Master's, he moved to TX to begin PhD work while she began a Master's in England. Not liking the TX program, he changed schools and ended up in Norway. She is finishing her Master's in England and they are getting married this summer. They stayed together the whole time. The wedding is in VA, honeymoon will be in HI (where she's from), the reception in England, and then they will move to Norway so he can finish his PhD.

Back to the guy though. He wants to keep messaging in general which I would love to do!
I told a friend in Belgrade about him today. I told her how, for years I have been saying that I'm either going to marry a linguist or someone religious, and now he could be the one I split that difference with. Liz told me that "those are heavy words...reasonable to think about though... then it's more familiar when it happens..." The guy is so cool. I can't believe we have so much in common. I hope he's not upset when he reads my note...

I don't get why I have to convert. I already live Jewishly as everyone around me is concerned.
I found another rabbi in the UK (Thanks FrumPunx!), but I don't get WHY it has to take so long!
-sigh- Better get to bed. Doctor's appt in the morning for a re-check on this cough...

New thoughts

2009-05-15T13:24:00.000-07:00

I was looking at some blogs that are on Material Maidel's blog and clicked on one by Frum College Girl.

I liked one of her posts so much I'm going to do it, too on my blog.

I Am

A female

A California girl

A daughter

A sister

A young woman

A graduate student in Russian and Eastern European Studies

An observant Jew

A Jane Austen fan

But who I am

is more

than just a label

I choose

who I am

and I choose

how I want other people

to perceive me

and I will not let

anyone else

define

who

I am

Converting in the UK = Not Possible

2009-03-23T10:20:00.001-07:00

So, I spoke with a Glasgow rabbi this afternoon. For 45 minutes. He basically told me that the London Beit Din is not going to accept me as a conversion candidate because I'll only be in the UK for a year and half to study. He was very nice to talk to (I think the accent helped), but was up front about what the London Beit Din expects of their candidates. The rabbi said that the Beit Din is so strict they want you to study 3 years before converting, and that the US will be easier. 3 years is a long time. If I did go that route, my Hebrew would be pretty good after that time! He also said that it might be worth it to have the Beit Din/Rabbis in Milwaukee get connected to the ones in London. If I studied with this rabbi for 18 mos, then returned to the US, the conversion would take 6 mos. to a year. However, I don't know if this will work.

However, the main problem is that I am and will be, a student. And students move around a lot. I don't know where I'll be in 2-4 years. Job wise I don't think I'll be back to the US, which leaves the UK, EU, and EEA, hopefully. I don't think that's fair but I don't make the rules.

A.) I wonder what if it would be possible to do if the London Beit Din knew I would (tentatively) be in the UK for at least a consecutive 4 years? (After graduation, I'm eligible to apply for a work visa that lets me stay and work in the UK up to 2 years, which I think is great!).

After 2 calls to my rabbi, he said to forget about the conversion being a factor. Decide on a school, what will be best for me, go do the degree, and THEN figure out this Jewish stuff. I guess for me, Scotland is the best way for that.

I hope option A.) works out. I'll find out tomorrow.

Oh yeah. 1 more thing. After emailing the rabbi, and suggesting Option A.), as well as a previous note in which I said where I stand on observance and stuff (including hekshers, tznius stuff, the sheitel thing and Taharat Hamishpacha, though I don't know much Hebrew or Hashkafa at the moment), he tells me that now is the time to look into Judaism on a serious level with regard to beliefs and practice. Helloooooo?! Did he read what I wrote? How many people read about TH on their own, AND before taking kallah classes?!?!?!?! Seriously... I'm sure he's serious, but I was shocked to read that! Would you be?

Scotland

2009-03-22T13:31:00.000-07:00

Wow, I didn't realize that I know a ton about Scotland (but just didn't have it in the 'active' part of my brain):

*Dogs: Scotties, West Highland Terriers, Border Collies, Cairn Terriers

*Cows: Cattle: Highland, Angus

*Clothing: Cloth: Argyle, Paisley, Harris Tweed, Tartan.

History:
*The Tudors, spec. James I who took over after Elizabeth died in 1603
*Mary, Queen of Scots
*Falkirk
*Stirling/Stirling Castle

Places to see:
*The Shetland Islands. Shetland ponies! How could I have forgotten about them! They're so cute! Oh, and Shetland Island sweaters!
*The Isle of Skye
*The Hebrides. As in, "Hebrides Suite," which I played at band camp in middle school!
*The Orkneys
*Invernessshire
*St. Andrews' Cathedral
*Perth. When did they set out for Australia?
*Banff. When did they set out for Canada?
*Macduff. I feel like they should act out MacBeth several times a year.

What's up with FunkyFrum?!?!?!

2009-03-20T13:14:00.000-07:00

I checked Funky Frum today. The website's up and running, but I miss the Funky Frum uniqueness... :-(
While I think it's great Be Precious took over, I'm not a fan of their clothing. I like what Funky Frum had and think it's sorta' dumb for Be Precious to be running 2 websites with the *exact* same clothing offerings on each.

What do you guys think?

Music post

2009-03-20T08:42:00.000-07:00

Ok, so my blog name is HumanitiesGirl and I have a tons of interests in the field, and that includes music. Though I'm American, I don't listen to much US music. I mean, yes, it's nice to chill out to the Beach Boys or Oldies, but the majority of music I listen to comes from overseas:
Thanks to a good friend in Finland, she's gotten me hooked on Finnish rock! Though I can't understand it, I don't really care. It doesn't bother me that I can't understand the majority of songs by foreign artists I like. Personally, I think it's about the experience of it all.
So, this Finnish group, if you're wondering, is called Uniklubi. Their newest album is "Syvään valoon." I'm also a fan of Welsh reggae. Yes, you read that correctly. Welsh reggae. You can check them out on MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/yrannioddefol
Their song "Machlud" seems like the perfect summer anthem! Let's see, who do I listen to a lot?...
Uniklubi
Yr Annioddefol
Elin Kåven
Racoon
Revolverheld
Dixebra
Natasha Bedingfield
Paolo Meneguzzi

I also browse Nòs Ùr, Liet-Lavlut, and Eurovision for new music ideas.

Spring Break weekend

2009-03-19T08:24:00.000-07:00

I suppose I should have prefaced the Glasgow post with this one, since some of it leads up to something mentioned in said Glasgow post.

My Spring Break is winding down, and last weekend I went with a friend from school up to [the city I did my undergrad in]. I had forgotten that it is always much cooler there than at our university, since it's on a lake and all...

We left late last week and made it up there by nightfall, with time to settle in and get ready for Shabbos the next night. Since it's an all day trip, 6 hours gave H. and I time to chat. She drove and I paid her money for gas. 2 girls in a car for 6 hours and we eventually got around to talking about guys. I had an idea to make a list of what we're looking for in a guy/future husband (though a bit premature for me, at least I know what I want). Here's mine:
-liberal Orthodox guy, in "the modern world"
-will be okay with my specific academic field of study (if we happen to meet someday, I'll tell you what it is and you can tell me what you think)
-cool with my wearing a sheitel and keeping TH (Taharat Hamishpacha for those in the know)
-cool with languages (esp. less commonly taught ones): either studies them himself or okay with what I'm doing
-doesn't have a temper (verbal/physical abuse fall under this one)
-communication skills: be able to have a conversation and talk it over if we're having a disagreement, or just being able to talk to each other in general. I'd like a guy who can be my best friend, in addition to being my husband
(-willing to move around or live in a cold climate)
(-travelling)

H. mentioned that if he's not interested in the academic part, he's not worth it, and I completely agree with her. The above are the main things I don't want to compromise on. For example, if he's completely against learning a foreign language, or one of those types who insists upon speaking English outside of the English-speaking world, and not bothering to have an appreciation for other languages/cultures, he might not be the guy for me.

The other stuff:
-height and eye color doesn't matter so much. Someone at least 5'8" would be nice though.
-prefer clean shaven
-someone who takes care of his face
-keeps in shape (not too fat or too skinny)
-like to hike, ocean kayaking
-appreciation for the arts
-museums
-okay with pets

I don't think these matter as much, but it would be nice if most of them were met. But I have to remember that I'm looking for a complete package, NOT just checking off things on a list...
What do you think?

Grad School and Scottish Jews?

2009-03-19T07:19:00.000-07:00

Wow, I don't believe it!

I have 2 options for grad school: University of Toronto and University of Glasgow.

I've started making lists, pros and cons to each, and the one huge factor is tuition.
Toronto costs $21,879 CAN for their 2 year MA. In USD, total tuition would be just under $40,000.
Glasgow costs £7,500 for their 18 month MA. Which, in USD, is about $10,000, 11,000 max.

Aside from tuition, what other attractions about the area?
Toronto: Lots of Jews, and lots of people that speak the language I've spent 3 years studying.
Glasgow: In terms of either mentioned above, I haven't had a clue. Until this morning.

I did some googling and it turns out that there is quite an established Jewish (Orthodox) community in and around Glasgow and the rest of Scotland!
Here's the link if you'd like to check it out:
http://www.scojec.org/communities/guidebook.pdf

The oldest shul in Glasgow is Garnethill Synagogue, which has been around since 1879! Who knew? I sure didn't!

Aside from 5 Orthodox shuls in the city, there are 6 places that sell Kosher food, a kosher restaurant and networking opportunities for the students. I had no idea about the Scottish Jewish community, but know that I know that there is a huge presence there, I'm excited to check it out! However, the one question that is not answered on the wesbites, is the matter of conversion. I emailed the rabbis and am waiting to hear back.

There seem to be 2 main rabbis in the city, Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks at Garnethill, and a
Moshe Rubin, at the Giffnock and Newlands Hebrew Congregation. That one may be affiliated with Chabad, but I'm not sure.

I'm so excited! After getting rejected from the university I'm currently at, I didn't think any other school would want me, and I have to decide now which one to go to!

Aside from Jewish stuff, it's the freaking United Kingdom!! Tons of history, castles galore, the Scottish Highlands, the Isle of Skye, and amazing accents! What's *not* to love!? Besides, everyone in Canada came from Europe, but maybe that's another story...Anyhow, the UK would be an awesome place to live for the next few years. Something else I love about the Glasgow program: They have a mandatory study abroad, for a semester, and after receiving a University of Glasgow diploma, they also note where you studied abroad and the work you did while you were there. Oh! AND the UK has a visa policy that gives international students a 2 year visa to work in the UK after graduation! I can get started on my EU residency pretty soon, apparently! :-) Comments appreciated, and if you know someone in Glasgow, that would be grear, too! Thanks!

Thought on Campus Career Night Event

2009-03-11T19:59:00.001-07:00

Tonight I went to a career-event for the Russian and Eastern European Studies Department. Among other things, I found out that it's important to have a niche, which was the main point. And to work for a major newspaper you don't necessarily have to have a degree in that field. What I know, and have been told before, is that it all comes down to who you know. Networking is big too. One example:
One of the graduate students had worked for The Moscow Times. I had emailed that newspaper last year, asking if they were hiring. After emailing one of the editors, and sending writing samples, I was told that there were no openings. I told this to the graduate student tonight, who suggested to email said editor again and see what happens. He also put me in touch with a former student who currently works for the paper.

Furthermore, one of the professors had said that if you go into academia it's good to have a narrow focus, but nowadays (instead of 30 years ago), it's also good to have a broad knowledge of the area you're into. However, my area ---or, the one I'd like to go into-- is so narrow that is it possible to look at it with an interdisciplinary lense? Then I was thinking, I can come at this extremely narrow field from another angle: From an ethnic/minority studies perspective. Yes. I can look at this field from a minority studies perspective. Not only look at the languages, but also the people, who, while living in a country which is part of the European Union, their ethnicity and way of life is continuously being repressed by the government of the republic in which they live. The ultimate form of Russification, if you will, at least for them. I could be a minority affairs advocate, for this field but ethnic rights across Europe, in particular the situation concerning ethnic Hungarians in the Carpathian Basin or Northern Ireland's Catholic-Protestant-thing (which has been going on since 1066, pretty much).

I've digressed but bear with me. So, talking to the professor after he spoke, he said public policy may be something to look into (since I like talking to people), so I can help affect these minority peoples by talking to people high up in the EU decision-making process who can secure legislation for these small groups who are being persecuted. Or some sort. At least this is the general direction I have right now.

Another speaker tonight talked about how he worked in Russia for Ernst & Young. Worked in Siberia (Yes, no joke!) 200 miles south of the Artic Circle. After he said that provinces in the area are rich in oil, natural gas, my mind starting putting things together:

Minority peoples in Russia, one in particular -- which is being persecuted for not completely assilimilating to the Russian way of life -- live in a province abundant in lakes, forests, and natural resources many countries would love to get their hands on. Simultaneously, they are up against government officials who want to completely eradicate their culture and way of life.

How would it be, for example, if the president of said republic were to carry out an ethnic genocide so he could exploit the province's resources? Hopefully that won't happen. And, why is it that people are afraid of what is different from them? Be you Jewish, or in this case, a different ethnicity from the general population of the state (as in nation, or country) in which you are living?

I've been thinking, and I could do ethnic/minority rights in Russia for this-extremely-narrow-field and as an American, have a distinctive niche in the EU hierarchy. If I spoke the several less common languages, AND knew the cultures inside and out, I would totally have a job.

That's my goal now. Luckily, I have found 3 schools in 2 English-speaking countries where I can incorporate this narrow field with a broader Eastern European Studies MA. Hopefully one will work out! And I'll find out about said schools by April 1. More updates to come!

Half-Jew Post

2009-03-04T17:52:00.000-08:00

Catching up on blogging since it's midterm week, I found a post - parts of it anyway - on Material Maidel's blog that describes me, at least, pseudo-halachically, to a tee:
http://materialmaidel.blogspot.com/2009/02/hating-half-jew.html

"A Half Jew, one who has only one parent who is Jewish, most often a father, has a unique identity... a Half Jew may be much more aware of what being Jewish means than most of us who conveniently were born into the faith. While knowledge is not enough for inclusion in our tribe, an overwhelming amount of children born to Jews today are not Jewish according to Halacha."

I am one of those who definitely know what its like to be "much more aware of what being Jewish means..." People I see at Hillel here, they don't do anything Shabbos-dik after Friday night dinner. They come to Hillel, for services and dinner (or just one or the other); dressed like they're going to a club! Which may very well be the case since we're at this major university in the midwest. It was on the national rankings for parties, best this, best that; I have even seen ads in the school paper, that lets everyone know when Playboy is coming to look for new 'talent.' Nevermind that the school is fantastic for anything academically-unusual you want to do, but most people don't care about the academics here. 'Least the undergrads. Luckily, I'm not in that bracket, but would have loved to go here for grad school. Too bad it didn't work out. But back to the original topic here.

I know that, what I consider myself is disliked by the minority. I am willing to follow halacha but I don't feel I should have to convert. I do more, or try to, anyhow; and know more, then MOST of the people at Hillel. Why doesn't the Israeli Rabbinate make a law that says that people-born-Jewish-but-don't-do-anything should have to convert before they can do anything, too?!

Seems like I can't win with this. I'm fighting something that I don't wan --that I'm tired of fighting. This needs to stop. I want it to stop before I end up someplace new in August. I don't want this to follow me. Unless the rabbis have already saved me that trouble, of course.

However, if there are indeed "an overwhelming amount of children born to Jews today are not Jewish according to Halacha," maybe all I need to do is find one. We'd both consider ourselves Jewish; he might have to be open to the idea of a sheitel and Taharat Hamishpacha, but that would be something to get used to, no pun intended.
Know anyone like this? Please e-mail me if you do, it would be much appreciated.

New path?

2009-03-01T15:00:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been awhile since I've blogged, to say the least.

(Since I can't remember if I've written about this before, and I may repeat myself, but), I've decided that this whole Jewish thing is nobody's business but mine. If you find out and you don't like it, too bad for you! Don't be friends with me! Simple as that. I don't want to know you if you think like that.

In case you're just finding my blog for the first time, here's a re-cap:

In August 2007, when I first moved to a major university to further this less-commonly taught language I'm into, I first went to the religious-establishment-catering-to-Jewish-students-on-campus. However, I later found out that the Rabbi did not want me at his Shabbos table until I brought him paperwork from a Rabbinic Authority confirming, or, re-affirming, my Jewishness as defined by Halacha.

Last I checked, the goal of this religious-establishment-catering -to-Jewish-students-on campus is to engage them, make them feel at home. Unless I'm mistaken, and this is a newly-instated policy, being told--through my rabbi 300 miles away no-less, when rabbi in question had lived 1 block from me-- that my Jewishness is not valid, why not tell me to my face instead of beating around the bush?! Time was spent tracking down my rabbi, having him phone me to tell me I was not wanted, when it would have been easier to tell me in person, since we're in the same city...

Curiously enough, I have another story about this rabbi. I found it strange and I haven't been able to find the logic behind it. Maybe you can help.

Before I was told not to come back, I remember one Shabbos in particular when I was talking to his children. One of them told me that their father helps drunk college students late at night. That he lets them sleep over in the religious establishment sometimes. What message does that send to the children? That it is okay to help random people, strangers, too drunk to get home on their own, on the off chance that they might be Jewish, but it is perfectly fine to shun people who want to belong? When you figure that one out, please tell me.

I also found out later that some of the Orthodox students attending the center were told of my situation, as well as other students who were asked not to come to dinner until their 'status' was verified. The Hillel rabbi told me to assume the first would make my situation known. But having that said that didn't make it any easier when it actually happened. And now everyone affiliated with any of the 3 knows because the rabbis have to make it known to everyone that there's a girl in town who's not halachically Jewish! Watch out! She's out to get with as many Jewish guys as possible! That was sarcasm, by the way.

That, plus in September 2008 the AISH rabbi and I sat down and had a chat. He told me that I can be friends with the Hillel guys, but I can't date them. I told him that I wasn't interested in dating anyone since I would only be here through May 2009, and to go through everything again is not something I would want to do again.

Besides, it's March, and I have my plate full right now, what with inquiring about how to apply horrendously-late to UK grad programs, on top of class and a busy work schedule! During a google search for field-specific programs, I found 2 schools in the UK that may be worth looking into (as I'll explain in a few paragraphs): University of Glasgow and University of College London.

I had sent general inquiries to secretaries at both schools and wasn't expecting a response. Well, what I received was the exact opposite! First, I received an email from one of the professors at Glasgow, who said that they would like to consider my application and asked if I would send a detailed CV. Then, in London, after emailing the departmental secretary and the independent study language coordinator, I received emails from an Admissions Official, plus a professor from the department who I could study with to do the independent studies! He wanted to know which tracks I'm interested in, and I sent him my CV too. If would be fantastic if one of the three schools: University of Glasgow, University College London, or University of Toronto, works out for me. I'd get to specialize in ethnic and minority studies how I want, and actually be able to work with a professor on them while pursuing an MA/MRes/MSc in a broader Eastern European Studies program. If one of the UK schools worked out, I could eventually get a job with an organization that focus on European ethnic and minority affairs. I could be a spokesperson for Liet Lavlut, or work at the European Court of Human Rights, The United Nations Commission on Human Rights (UNCHR), the Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights (OHCHR), or try and get policy pushed through at the (European) Commission so minorities in the region can have a voice to their problems.

Now all I have to do is wait and see what happens for September. ::crosses fingers:: Here's hoping something works this time!

So, in conclusion, this is the current academic plan for my life. If the school I'm currently at doesn't want me because my GRE scores or my grades aren't up to their standards, that's fine. There are other programs who may not mind my scores thus far. Religiously however, I'm comfortable where I am right now, and know where I want to end up. I consider myself a BT. Yes, I know I don't count to the Orthodox, but if they don't like me, that's their business. Don't-make-an-announcement-to-the-local-communities-and-have-me-be-the-last-one-to-hear-that-said-announcement-happened and I'll be fine. I know myself, I know what I like and know what I want to do with my life. I just don't know the odds of finding a guy who will want to come along with me for the ride, both academically and with the Orthodox stuff, what with the whole sheitel thing and wanting to keep Taharat Hamishpacha. Oh, and being Shomer until I get there. 'Just have to wait and see, I suppose. -sigh-

PS: If the UK schools work out, I'd get a cool accent out of it, too! Plus get started on my EU residency! :-D I wonder how many guys would be up for living in Europe...

2008-12-10T11:04:00.000-08:00

Browing Frum Satire's blog, I browsed his blog roll and found a blog belonging to A Frum Punk.
New to his blog, I skimmed headlines to see what he had written about and a headline caught my eye: http://frumpunk.wordpress.com/2008/11/27/negiah-and-tefillin-dates/
Reading it, I was surprised yet pleased to read that there is at least one guy out there who is completely shomer and does not want to "cross any lines" before marriage.

Yes I admit, I have gone back and forth about it (as well as being busy with school), but have realized that there will be a time for that. My focus now is on getting into grad school and getting started on a professional career. Guys will still be here after that happens.
Who knows? Perhaps FrumPunk and I could meet someday.

PS: Anyone know how you can create a facebook for your blog identity? I tried to make one and it doesn't want to accept my name...

Overwhemed

2008-10-18T19:50:00.000-07:00

So it's mozei shabbos during Succos, and I thought I'd be able to relax a bit this weekend. Definitely NOT the case.

I just checked my email, and in addition to the week of readings I didn't print out while away for Yom Kippur, I now have to read articles on Byzantium for Tuesday, write a 2-page paper not in English due Monday, and work on a powerpoint due Thursday that is my midterm. Oh yeah, and did I mention being busy at work this week? So busy I'll only have about 2 hours/day to try and finish what I need to.

For those of you who keep up with this, exactly when should I go crazy?

Song That Desccribes Me Right Now

2008-10-05T20:04:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAjNVKtQHAY

"I'm A Bitch" by Alanis Morisette

I hate the world today
You're so good to me I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath Innocent
and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

[Chorus:]
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

[Chorus]

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

[Chorus]

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

Grad School Plans

2008-10-05T17:56:00.000-07:00

I have a list of schools to apply to for next year (in no order whatsoever):

1. My current university (and hopefully they'll admit me next year!)

2. A university a few hours to the north in a city so Cosmopolitan, you would think you're in a completely different country! (::cough cough::)

3. A university in the capital of Country X

I spoke with the Graduate Director of School #2 and he wants me to apply already! LoL :-)
He seems really nice and wants me to come up and see the school and meet him. I told him that I have tentative plans to come up in the Spring for a language exam, and he said I didn't need it for his university. His program would not be country-specific, but rather a concentration on an area of Europe, and I can focus on Country X within that, taking literature, political science, history, etc. They have funding opportunities, too, which would be great if I would be eligble.

I'm torn between doing the Eastern Europe thing, and combining that with Ottoman History and Religion. I don't know if I can do that up there, but here it's definitely do-able. I'm going to ask him tomorrow; hopefully he'll be okay with my questions...

Until then!

Much Ado About Rosh Hashanah/Shabbos

2008-10-05T16:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a few weeks, (and it's been a hectic few weeks!), but with work, school, Rosh Hashanah, and getting my life in order for next year (or at least tentative plans for it) have kept me busy. Where should I start...?

How about with Rosh Hashanah/Shabbos:

Here at school I went to Hillel both days and met some cool people at dinner; one in particular who may know my Rabbi and his wife since he's from Omaha. That was cool Jewish geography for me; one of the best I think! The second day for lunch, R. invited me over.

Let me just say, I wasn't expecting our chat to progress as it did! I discovered a few things: That though she is more observant than most here, her way of thinking isn't the same as a rabbis, let's say. I thought she would have a problem with me, but she doesn't. I'm glad for that, but wish I would have known this last Fall! She and I have some things in common and plan to hang out during the school year.

I think, that because I was (and still am?) caught up in this whole situation still, I'm having trouble looking past what I initially see. Just beacuse someone is frum, doesn't mean their opinion is the same as everyone who is Orthodox. I felt ostracized, but I couldn't leave. The Observant crowd at Hillel that I run with (if you will) is how I identify, aside from a minor technicality. Most of the other students at Hillel, the girls anyhow, look me up and down in a rude way because I dress Orthodox: long(er) sleeves and floor-length skirts. I couldn't just leave, even though I wanted to. At the time (last year), I didn't know everyone in that crowd knew. I just found this out over Rosh Hashanah/Shabbos. Why am I the last to know?! It involves me; no one else. Seriously, WTF! No, you weren't seeing things, you read that correctly. Why were other people being told about me, but no one felt the need to tell me, until now, 1 year later??? WTF...

The second thing I found out was that there is someone who's in a worse situation than me, as far as this whole religion thing is concerned. I think it's worse anyhow, but I'm finding comfort in it, as it's helping me to come to terms with my own [is that horrible to say?]). I decided to tell people, albeit slowly, about my situation, and it is people I know and I trust. Or I think will be okay with it. Maybe they'll be okay with it like J., H., R., S., J., R., A., D., have been. I hope so. If not, I'll have to cut myself off completely from Hillel and the Shabbos Lunch Group. Maybe M. will be the next person to tell?

Of course, then there are the people who say they 'get it,' but look with glazed eyes pass me as I talk to them about it. Do you really "get it?" No. I don't think so. You will never understand what this, and the past year, has been like for me. You will never understand. R. gets it. S. gets it. J. does, I think. After this year I need to get out of this town. There will be be nothing to tie me to this town, except if I get admitted to grad school. Wouldn't that be ironic?

I also found out other information relating to the incident that happened last September over this past Shabbos. I'm trying to process and deal with it, but I think that will take awhile. Luckily I have work to make me forget I have anything else going on! As upset as I was/am? with J., I should thank him for talking to me about it. He apologized for telling everyone (in the observant crowd) about me, but he said the rabbi wanted him to, and if he could have gone back to change that, he would have. I should be comforted with that and should have accepted it, but didn't. After he apologized, I hesitated a moment before saying, "Thank you. But you're not the one I want an apology from."

We also mentioned my conversion. I can't do *anything* where I am now. Everyone on the damn planet knows that if they know me by now! Seriously... I can't convert until I get out of this college town. I do know, though, that I need a larger community where I can have a support system with others like me, and who understand the frustrataions I'm going through. The frustrations but also the good things, too, like unexpectedly finding others in my situation on whom I can rely and talk about things like this. He asked, "Why not take the bull by the horns?" Why not? I'll tell you why not? I can't. Not here.

I went off on my rant about how in 1944 Hitler didn't care, how it didn't matter to the Nazis. Everyone was shipped off, everyone. Secular Jews all the way down the most Orthodox: doctors, shopkeepers, rabbis. The Nazis did not care. Why the hell should it matter now? If time stopped right now, and everyone today could be in Europe, from Paris to Kiev, to Athens, Rome and Vilna, they would be deported. Everyone at Hillel would be on the trains, and most of them are secular. Why is it that a minor technicality matters now? J. let me rant but then said something to the effects of, how it didn't matter to the Nazis, but what about Halacha? There's something in Halacha that can't be changed. If there's a loophole (that's the wrong word, but it'll do for now), find and tell the Rabbinate that the law should be changed. I asked him what that thing was, since I don't know Hebrew, Modern or Biblical. He couldn't answer my question, but said maybe it's there.
Since it was late, he left and I went to my room, but was up almost until the sun came up, thinking about things. As it was, I got to lunch that afternoon an hour late...

This is a bit out-of-order, but something positive came out of this past week. Over Shabbos, I hung out with 2 people who are in the same situation as me, but are making it work. It was nice chatting with them. We bounched from topic to topic, and then got around to Taharat Hamishpacha. It makes sense to them, too, and they plan to follow it. Wow! I thought, They're like me and they think these laws are worth upholding, too! After I heard that, I told them that they now know me in a nutshell: languages, history, country X, fine arts, and Taharat Hasmishpacha. So if they know any guys who would be okay with that list, they should let me know! They both grinned and laughed and said that would keep their ears open for anything and let me know. :-)

I guess the week wasn't a total disaster. It sure seemed long enough though! Whew! I'm looking forward to Yom Kippur and seeing friends from undergraduate! Tuesday can't come soon enough!

Pre-wedding thoughts (though not my own wedding)

2008-08-07T23:25:00.000-07:00

Z.'s wedding is in the morning. 11am to be exact. I don't know how I feel about it. I was stunned when I first read it over email, but now that it's happening, I have mixed feelings. Part of me is sad, almost wistful, and I want to cry, but on the other hand, I can't help but be happy for him.

I'm staying at my friend R.'s for tonight and last night. Tomorrow I move to D.'s. S. came over tonight and I told R.+C. beforehand that if she starts something, I'm going to give it to her. R. told me that S. had asked if I was going to stand up or say anything at the wedding. Why the hell would I do that? Sometimes I wonder, about the things that S. says. It seems as though she doesn't know what she's talking about.

I wouldn't do that to Z. It's his wedding. We had our time, but it's over now. He's found himself (I hope, anyhow) a girl who will continue to make him happy. He and I parted on good terms. We've kept in touch since meeting and have only recently, before the wedding invite, fallen out-of-touch. Though we haven't seen each other in 5 years, I hope that after seeing him tomorrow, in his gold vest and cream tuxedo, I'll be able to put what---deal with--try to--

close that part of my life.

After the wedding, I'll wish him congratulations, wish him well and tell him to keep in touch, wherever his work and interests take him.

As much as I have emotions running through me right now, I can't help but think that what N. said. After telling him my background with Z., he said, "You seem much happier doing what you're doing now...If you and he had dated, you'd still be in Vegas doing something you hate, and wouldn't have ended up where you are now..."

Maybe it's for the best things didn't work out with Z. I'll try to keep what N. said in mind as it gets closer and closer to the wedding. It's still difficult though. He has a point though.

Why does calling out from here have to be so difficult? R.'s house has absolutely NO phone reception so try-as-I-might to make calls the area won't let me. I tried to call T. but have had no luck. Maybe try in the morning from outside...

Flight Itinerary

2008-08-05T16:01:00.000-07:00

My trip to Las Vegas, August 6th-August 12th, 2008:

Indianapolis (IND) to Las Vegas (LAS), connecting in Minneapolis (MSP).

August 6th, 2008:
Depart IND: 7:01pm
Northwest Flight 609
Arrive MSP: 7:49pm

Depart MSP: 9:45pm
Northwest Flight 711
Arrive LAS: 11:09pm

August 12th, 2008:
Depart: LAS: 12:50am *Red-Eye*
Northwest Flight 774
Arrive MSP: 5:47am

Depart MSP: 7:10am
Northwest Flight 500
Arrive IND: 9:49am

Grad School Ideas

2008-08-05T16:00:00.000-07:00

What to research in grad school that will a.) be worth it to study to get in AND have a chance at funding, plus something that I won't get tired of researching the next few years?Thinking something with religion, maybe Holocaust? and bouncing between medieval+20th century. Met someone last night who said if I want to do '56, I could prob'ly get into Michigan and work with someone there. b.) Find a professor, not a program. c.) Something where I can utilize my Hungarian for research.Holocaust+Hungary. Something with Nyilas?Trianon. 56. 89. Nagy. Kadar. HISTORICAL. Not narratives.WWII? HungaryHungarian situation like Anne Frank? Where? Camps in Hungary?Did Hungary have a Rennaissance like Western Europe? Jews in Medieval Hungary, before/after Mohacs?http://www.hungarianquarterly.com/no179/2.shtml"...the rest of the Budapest Jews were either driven into a newly created ghetto, the only such institution in Europe at the time, or were taken under the wing of neutral legations and assembled into so-called protected houses, which went by the name of Little or International Ghetto. That such ghettoes could be set up at all was due primarily to the Arrow Cross leadership's craving for recognition by the Vatican, Sweden, Switzerland and other neutral countries. To achieve such a lofty international status became for the government more important than even the total elimination of the Hungarian Jews..." What's wrong with that paragraph?Why was the Nyilas craving recognition from neutral countries who had given safe harbor to Jews? As if they wanted---Arrow Cross sets up ghettoes for Jews so they'll get leadership brownie points from said neutral countries, whom in fact gave safe harbor to Jews so they *wouldn't* get sent to the camps/executed by the Arrow Cross/Nazis?They set up the ghetto to gain recognition. Arrow Cross wanted to be recognized for organizing something to hold captive the very people they wanted to extinguish, was more important than actually carrying out out "the final solution?" I'm not saying that should have been done, but it seems like they didn't care about actually killing them, when that was the point as the war got chaotic towards the end. Govt wanted to step in and get that status. Govt in '44 was Horthy.

Toronto
ELTE
IU?

Books to check out from the library:
The Szatmar Peace: DB 932.4.B46 1981
Rakoczki, Transylvania: DB 932.4.A3 1868
The Age of the Hunyadis in Hungary: DB 930.5.T26
Istvan II 1116-1131: DB 929.47.T8 2002
Who was Matyas Kiraly?: DB 931.K37 1983
Turks in Hungary: DB 932. N34 1986
9 Sz. history: DB 927.K7399 1996
Matyas Kiraly and the Hungarian Rennaissance 1458-1541: DB 931.M38 1983
Who would have thought and WHY on earth between those dates? Maybe the Turks had something to do with it?
Byzantium and the Danube Frontier-DB 929.U732
Dynastic Policy of the Arpads Geza I to Emery (1074-1204): DB 929.K679 2006
Rakoczi's Army 1703-1711: DB 932.4.R18
"Where are you Istvan Kiraly?:" DB 929.35.H64 2006
Mohacs: DB 932.M64 2006

What To Do With My Life

2008-08-03T09:25:00.000-07:00

Last night at work, C. said to me, "While I'm gone, over the next 3 weeks, figure out what you want to do with your life."

This weekend wasn't the greatest. I was spoken down to by a boss, D., over a task that was easy enough to do. The only problem was that the boxes I was to get into were locked and I don't have that key. I asked D. if he has a key for the box. But before the question left my lips, he started asking if I didn't understand his directions, if they were too complicated. I said, "No sir, I understood your directions perfectly. The boxes are locked. Do you have a key?"

I was frustrated and a more than a little angry and I think that tone got through to him and the others who heard the exchange. Of course, no one said anything.

After work was over, I was upset because I brought the wrong box up from downstairs, got cables mixed up and into which box to put them, and then to save myself the task of hearing a speech, walked home at 11:30, after which I tried to fall asleep but didn't until an hour or so after. I came close to crying --hell, I actually did-- Maybe I can switch with whom I work so I don't have to deal with D. I don't like it when he reprimands me, and he's done it twice now, once in the fall and this weekend. Over petty things, too. Things over which I have no control to happen.

Yell at me once, shame on you,

Yell at me twice, shame on me.

Yell at me thrice, well,

I may look elsewhere for work

Or (try to) switch people to work with.

Maybe I can just work with T. and M., or A. full time and not with D. Now, given, the bosses are in the same area as D are rarely as snippy with me as he. P., P.D., C., and G., are great. I love having them as bosses! Just D. frustrates me. Just because I don't know how to do things exactly as he does them, or the fact that he said, "Well, I didn't realize I had to tell you how I wanted job x done." I didn't grow up learning technical stuff like T., you have to tell and/or then show me how you want something done. I don't know if he knows that, or maybe his tolerance isn't as high for people like me when we're in a technical setting.

-shrugs- I prefer when C. or P.D. don't like what I'm doing and they nicely tell me or show me how I could improve it, or do it better the next time, or offer suggestions on how to not get tripped up with the same thing next time. I like that much better than getting yelled at, thankyouverymuch.

What C. said, "While I'm gone, over the next 3 weeks, figure out what you want to do with your life." I know what I want to do with my life: work for the government, be a translator, or do something abroad. I could even teach. Notice that I said I could teach. I didn't say I want to.

Last week I saw that the United Nations put out a call for applications for 2009. The deadline isn't until Halloween, but I'm going to fill out an application and see what happens. That is Plan B.) . Especially since the application wants your address for Fall 2009/Spring 2010. :-p

Plan A.) is the following: Stay here the next academic year, take 3rd-year of language x, go to Canada for an exam in the Spring, then come back and apply for government work. By then, the UN thing would have panned out, and I'll have a better idea of what to do next.

Plan C.): Stay here, take 3rd-year of language x, go to Canada for an exam in the Spring, apply to grad school in Canada+country x, if the exam results go favorably. If any of this Plan C.) works, I'll get to get the heck out of here for awhile, get started on grad school and get myself established in my field. ::pauses:: I should tell C. about my blog. She'd probably get a kick out of it. Some of it anyhow, like this post. -smiles-

I almost forgot! I also applied for work in Washington at a library and a university. I applied for them solely on the basis that they need people who can read language x, among others; which I happen to be studying. The university job offers tuition remission! :-D Too bad that position isn't where I currently am! -snaps- The library job is self-explanatory. Except I'd be cataloging foreign sources and putting information into a bibliographic table. Those deadlines are fast approaching, so all I can do is wait and see what happens with them.

In other news, everything from my apartment is packed in boxes or bags, the bathroom is cleaned, the kitchen, the closets. The only things that are left to do are the oven and vacuuming, which will be done after everything is moved out. I got my outfit for Z.'s wedding from the cleaners. I have shoes to wear with it, and a purse, but I don't know which earrings to wear. My bag for Vegas is packed and all I have to do is put the top and skirt inside. I'm packed for everything a week or TWO early! That's a personal record for me!

Books to Read, Modesty

2008-07-31T15:50:00.000-07:00

Boundaries
Girls Gone Mild
"I Kissed Dating Goodbye"
"What Color Is Your Parachute?"

Why is modesty such an issue for certain people? Seriously...Why is it that there is still a double standard for guys?

Somehow I found this book browsing on Amazon; click the photo of the book and read the table of contents. I found it pretty funny!

http://www.amazon.com/Other-Double-Standards-Every-Should/dp/1580052452/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1217549033&sr=8-6

I found this newspaper article about 2 college students who are choosing not to have sex until they get married, plus the facebook group dedicated to the article.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/30/magazine/30Chastity-t.html?_r=1&ref=magazine&pagewanted=all

Perusing facebook groups, I found a discussion within the "Girls Gone Mild" group revolving around this link:

http://stuff.co.nz/4629757a1860.html

I was surprised reading the article, as the others in the discussion were. What do you think?

***

I also found the link for this documentary "America The Beautiful"

http://www.americathebeautifuldoc.com/

Any thoughts?

***

I just found this great new clothing site! I think it may take 2nd-place in my "favorite online-clothing store" list! 2nd of course, behind Funky Frum. :p

Called Be Precious (http://www.bepreciousclothing.com/), based in L.A., was featured in The Jewish Week.

http://www.thejewishweek.com/viewArticle/c36_a7184/News/New_York.html

The store has cute things and good prices! Next time I have some extra money, I will definitely be picking some skirts up! :-)

To Pack or Not to Pack? Moving Drama

2008-07-31T14:05:00.000-07:00

I talked to my landlady this week. She had someone that wanted to move in this weekend. I made phone calls, started packing (I'm about 1/2-way done), and then after calling her find out about things, she said the girl was so desparate to get into a new place she signed a different lease!

I had also called my new landlord to see if I could move in between the 13th+20th, and he said to call him on the 10th to check in with him.

However, my landlady said there are people coming from out-of-state next Monday+Tuesday, so hopefully I'll have my stuff packed up, the place cleaned and tidied and hopefully they'll sign after looking around. I would prefer NOT to unpack/repack, especially my dishes... The good thing about moving out early is that I wouldn't have to pay August rent; only pay for June/July.

So, I don't know what I'm going to do. I guess stay in my apartment. Next week is gonna be short. I want everything packed and cleaned before next Wednesday so I don't have to worry about things when I'm not in town.

what do to, what to do?

2008-07-27T11:34:00.001-07:00

I just found out that a friend has a job offer in Belgrade! I should be, and I am, happy for her, but that's the latest friend who's work, or schooling, has taken them abroad. Not counting E, K is in Helsinki, T/N is, or will be soon in Cairo, with her husband; N applied for a job in Baku.

Where does that leave me? I'm still in the U.S. Figuring out what to do and where to go with my life academically or professionally.

I sit here watching "Kadosh" reading the Spanish subtitles, and I feel that that religious a life is not for me. I think of the few Frum girls I know, Black Hat or Chabad, a few years younger than myself, already married and living in New York. Their facebook pictures, or stories on others' walls telling the latest news of their acquaintances. In their pictures these girls, livin' it up in New York, are dressed funky yet frum, as religious law dictates, seem to have have a care in the workd. They have their sheitels. Their husbands. Life is set for them. They don't have to worry about anything else. One has been married a few months, her sister set to marry in September; the other just over a year, gave birth to a baby boy.

Thinking about religion versus my academic life, I need to get one situated before the other. I don't know what I'm going to do academically. I wan--no, I need to get out of here. Nothing is working out financially, and I have no other options for next year. No money to go anywhere, and there's no point in staying if I can't take another year of coursework. I could Au Pair, but I have no momey for the flight, even if the couple did want me to come over in the next 3 weeks. Which won't happen, because we haven't really corresponded. Well, I have a wedding to be at on the 8th. Maybe I can figure things out while I'm there. Money options, work options.

PS: Malka's wedding dress I don't particularly care for. I'm not the one who married in it, so I guess I don't have to worry about it.

Bureaucracy

2008-07-15T13:19:00.001-07:00

I applied for state residency about 5 weeks ago, and found out almost immediately thereafter that I got it. Well, apparantly that isn't the case. The Registrar called me because my case is one that requires more info before they can decide one way or the other: it's unclear why I came to school: to study, or to work. They think I previously knew about the twelve-month residency rule, and then went ahead and came down here to find work after learning that. Which is not the case. I came here, found a job, classes started, and then I found out about the rule. I don't think I can prove I *didn't* already know about it. And for that I think they'll reject my application. I can appeal it however, but the gentleman I spoke with from the Registrar is *on* the Appeal Committee! I've been looking at other options for next year already:

A.) Take a full course load (3 classes) in the Fall, and just the language in the Spring.
My loan money covers out-of-state for Fall, but then I'd need to get outside loans for Spring. (Catch-22: The classes I'd take let me receive loans from the govt; without being full time I lose the money.)

B.) Take only the language both Fall+Spring.

C.) Move

D.) Nanny+take translation courses at the university

I called the Embassies in DC+Ottawa and the Consulates all around the US.
Funny (and true!) story: I called the Embassy in Ottawa and the secretary answers. I ask her if the Embassy is accepting application for employment. She doesn't understand (or maybe she doesn't hear me that well due my cell reception cutting out...), but I have to say the same thing 3 different ways: "Are you hiring?" "Can I apply for work at the Embassy in Canada?"
After understanding my question she asks, "You would work at an Embassy?"
Me: "Yes, if they would hire me."
Then she asks where I'm calling from. I tell her the United States, and then she turns to tell a co-worker my situation--without putting me on hold! I understood a lot of what she said, too (basically telling that an American is calling asking about work)! She comes back and says that they weren't hiring, after all that. -sigh- But...I did get positive reinforcement! The Consulate in Los Angeles told me to fax my CV! So I'll be working on that after I finish this, and then think of other things to do.

Going to Church

2008-07-13T15:04:00.000-07:00

I went to church today. A co-worker, B, told me about it last week--that there would be a carnival at his church on Saturday and asked if I wanted to go. It sounded like fun, so why not, I thought. Well, B+I and one of his friend's picked me up. I was surprised at the similarities between this right-wing Christian church (or so it seemed by being at the carnival) and the Orthodox communities I was around the past 3 years: older couples, young couples my age (or a few years older), tons of kids, and everyone deeply committed to their religion.

I met a lot of wonderful people, including the husband of a couple who invited me to church this morning. I wasn't in a position to decline his invitation so I accepted and made plans to carpool with a couple this morning.

We arrived at church just after 10. The service started and my jaw mentally dropped. The singing, the arms in the air, it was just like those Evangelical church services you hear about, and/or see on TV! Everything was 'Jesus this' and 'Jesus that!' Something about mourners being sinners so they have to be forgiven (or something like that). Why do mourners have to be forgiven? They're just mourning someone who died.

And then the Preacher started talking about a prophet named Stephen and how he went against everything that happened before, and that he didn't believe in it: how the temple was destroyed, Joseph and his brothers went down to Egypt, the Israelities made a statue of the Golden Calf, received the 2 Tablets...He equated the apple pie, George Washington, and motherhood to things that America is quintessentially American. And then he went off about abortion, homosexuality, and adultery. He even said how some of his congregants admitted to 'killing their [unborn] children.' I thought he was kidding. I mean, in a church where the Preacher mentions 'Billy Graham,' 'Evengelical (twice!),' and is against abortion, among other things, I would have thought that none among the congregation would willingly have an abortion. Apparantly that's not the case.

I was really uncomfortable during the whole service. After, the couple I rode with this morning brought me home. Well, the husband of the couple did. On the way, he, like a few people yesterday, asked me if I went to church, and what church was like for me growing up. Well, since he was the first to ask me outright, I told him that I'm Jewish. [If you're just tuning in to the blog, scroll to the bottom to get caught up.] We were then discussing Orthodoxy between the 2 religions, and figured that Fundamentalism (a) and Evangelicalism (b) were like Ultra-Orthodoxy and Modern Orthodoxy, respectively. At least, I think that's what we agreed on...Fundamentalists follow the Bible+everything else to a T, and Evangelicals follow only the Bible, and consider the other things, but all don't necessarily do them; (Drinking, swearing, and smoking, for example). The movie "Jesus Camp" is Fundamentalist and TLC's "The Duggars" are Evangelical.

Yeah, my first and last time at church. After I got back to school, a friend took me out for lunch since it's my birthday today. Yes, I'm 24. Hopefully next year around this time, I'll be going on shidduchim, but we'll see how things go. :-)

Maybe I'll go to the Reform shul next week, where I'll see the Frum couple that offered to teach me Yiddish! But for now, I'm watching the third Lord of the Rings and enjoying the rest of my day.

Stitches, Yiddish, and tuition uncertainties--yay!

2008-07-09T18:05:00.001-07:00

Well, I got my stitches out and have been back in my apartment since 6/25. I haven't posted in awhile because I don't have much to post *on*! I applied for in-state residency to hopefully receive lower tuition next year and I'm awaiting the results. When I was home, I called to check the status and the woman said I got it. Then on the 25th, I got a letter in the mail saying that the Registrar wants a copy of my license and tax returns...and no, I must have been misinformed about my already-checked residency status because "(the school) doesn't have *that* quick a turnaround on decisions." -sigh- I had the paperwork in before the 4th of July, so now I'm just waiting. Let's see...

Coming out of Borders last week, I see this Frum couple walking down the street. No, that's not the begining of a joke. I really walked out of Borders and saw this guy with his tzitzis swaying in the breeze, all dressed up like he's going to a wedding (just guessing [but I wouldn't really know since I've never been to a religious one]), his wife next to him also dressed up, but the most...unexpected thing about them was that they were holding hands. Yeah! I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm used to c0uples holding hands, but never religious ones. I, dressed in work clothes, stopped and asked if he was a new rabbi in town. He just smiled and said he was in town studying an Eastern European language for the summer, after which he introduced himself and his wife, who were here, for the next month or so, from another rather large Midwest university. After a few sentences, asked if I know Yiddish, and after my negative reply, offered to teach me-----::snaps:: That's who I forgot to call! I need to do that tonight or tomorrow.-----

Ann Coulter on Donny Deutsch

2008-06-29T11:27:00.001-07:00

After watching "White Girl" by the BBC on YouTube, this headline caught my eye:

Ann Coulter wants Jews "to be perfected" from the Donny Deutsch show

I rarely swear, but this is warrant enough for a "W-T-F!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wnPHFSdrME&feature=related

Quotes from the clip:
Ann: "The more Christian you are, the less tolerant you would be prepostrous..."

Donny: "I should not...we should just throw Judaism away and we should all be Christians, then?"
Ann: "Yeah."
Donny: "Really?"
Ann: "Well, it's a lot easier. It's kind of a fast track."
Donny: "Really?"
Ann: "You have to obey."
Donny: "You can't possibly believe that? You can't possibly believe that. You're too educated..."
Ann: "Do you know what Christianity is? See, we believe your religion but you have to obey. We have the fast track program."

Donny ":sputtering:: Put you at the head of Iran. C'mon, you can't believe that."
Ann: "The head of Iran is not a Christian. I don't know if you've been paying attention."
Donny: "That's why Israel left the Arab World--no Jews?"
Ann: "Um...No, we think...we just want Jews to be perfected."

Ann: "We believe the Old Testament, but ours is more like Federal Express."

Donny: "If Ann Coulter had any brains, she would not say Jews need to be perfected. I'm offended by that personally."

Back at school

2008-06-26T15:21:00.001-07:00

Well, the 2 weeks at home were a bit rough. Jewish drama+family drama (*because* of the Jewish drama) were more than enough to deal with. I told a friend--well, someone I know from school--about said drama and I should have re-worded it a different way. -sigh-

But I'm back at school now. While at home, I found out I have in-state residency for next year, so tuition will be lower for me. :-) I signed up for my classes, but am a bit concerned because I'm the only person enrolled for them. I know it's almost July, and that classes start in September, but still. If they cancel my classes, I have to get *more* signatures, run paperwork around and then be allowed to sign up online. oh boy...just hope they don't get cancelled.

I got a letter from school on Friday, saying that my residency status needs to be verified. I need to give them a copy of my license, plus a copy of my '07 tax returns, and proof I filed them. That will take ahile since I sent them to my dad on the other side of the country!

I also need to find my insurance card. I had to go to the hospital for stitches last week. Unpacking my suitcase I cut my hand on a piece of glass from the picture frame packed in my suitcase. I went to visit my parents and brought the photo with me, but on the way back it must have broken in transit. I went to the hospital with Rabbi X since I was staying with her and we got back from the hospital about 2 hours later. I now have 5 stitches in my hand. I have to keep it dry and will be able to get them out this coming week. I haven't been able to use the hand at all, so writing and at work especially, has been a bit difficult. When I was younger, I was able to write with my lefthand, except everything I wrote would be backwards--to read it legibly, you needed to hold it up to a mirror!--at the hospital, I told them before I wrote it that it might not be legible, and my signature was atrocious! Writing with my non-dominant hand takes me back to elementary school. Yes, it's that bad. But I'm looking forward to my stitches being removed, and am excited for the rest of the summer!

Being Home-Day 2

2008-06-13T15:23:00.000-07:00

Well, I travelled 2.000 miles or so to get home and it's been a bumpy ride so far. Only Day 2 and already my parents want to sit down with me about my behavior. -sigh-

Yes, I've been short and a bit snippy with everyone, but I thought my hints about my eating habits that I've been dropping for a few weeks now were obvious. I was completely mistaken. Apparantly, my Dad (who's Jewish) thought I wasn't as serious about it as he originally thought. For example, my parents both buy Glatt poultry at Trader Joe's for some reason. Neither keep 2 sets of dishes, but have kosher food in the house. After my sister+my dad wanted to "have a little chat" with me, my dad understood that I was serious about my "dietary restrictions."

He's said, "Now I know the symbols matter to you, I'll be checking everything." The symbols. I told him I keep OU, CRC+Chaf K. Now before he opens something he asks me if it's fine. I went on a hekhsher hide-and-seek in the pantry and found which was and wasn't with a hekhsher. I told him, "Look, set me up with lettuce, hummus, and tunafish for the week and I'll be set."

-sigh-

Before I get into today, let me just say that I woke up to a nice surprise: My dad+grandparents had strung up "Happy Birthday" banners since my birthday is exactly one month away. We went to go get my phone fixed since it wasn't working since last night. I'm waiting for the replacement to come in the mail so it looks like I won't have a phone for a week or so.

And then there's the clothing issue... -sigh-

I mean, yes, I choose to dress more covered now than in high school, but it's only adding long skirts and more 3/4 tops. That, combined with my "dietary restrictions" my dad's called it "extreme." My response was that I'm not Szatmar; far from it! My sister used Pysch 101 to tell me how I might feel better about myself if the clothes I wore weren't as plain as they are. "Something with lace or some nice detail," she said. I'm fine with what I wear on the weekends. As I work a manual labor job, I wear not-so-nice clothes because of the work atmosphere: painting, moving heavy furniture, carrying heavy equipment...My work clothes consist of paint-spattered t-shirts and jeans with holes around the knees. I don't wear nice clothes to work because I get messy, whether I'm up on a bridge or painting sets. Seriously...I'm fine with the clothes I wear and I'm fine with the ones I'm in right now as a matter of fact, which are jeans and a Crew-neck t-shirt. Yes, it's fitted but not tight. The jeans are actually a bit loose on me. Maybe 'cause they're stretchy, I don't know. -shrugs- But Shabbos is my one day to dress like a girl, skirt+top that are dressy without showing skin. My sister said that I don't have to show skin to be dressed nice, though my clothes could add some detail without being so plain.

Oh yeah, that was the main thing, my not having shorts for these 2 weeks I'll be in southern CA. In my suitcase the clothes I brought are: work clothes, since I've been living out of my suitcase the past week; 3 skirts, a pair of jeans, and a few t-shirts, with the obligatory socks+underwear.

So we started at Goodwill to find me shorts. I know everyone is just trying to help, but I know what I like, and am not going to wear low cut tops or shorts when I haven't for a few years now! I tried on capri-s which looked weird on me, found a wool skirt that was too tight, and ended up getting black warm up pants with zippers all over the place which I can wear for shows--since we have to be in "dress blacks" and all. :-) I didn't find shirts, but I'm fine with Crew-necks. I'll only wear a V-neck if I have something on underneath. Oh yeah, that reminds me. I told my mom how I didn't have shorts, and her response was,"(Insert my name here), you're a young lady; this isn't Victorian times!" I don't see what's so bad about skirts. I mean, yes, I may have more than a few floor length ones, but it doesn't bother me. I'm not hot in them, considering it's 100-110 right now where my parents live. But I've gone off on a tangent...back to my day.

After Goodwill we went to DSW to find me shoes. I like the ballet flat, slip-on kind. I was just looking at sneakers when my dad wanted to leave. Maybe we can go back later today and have another look. I didn't have socks on and wanted to being back socks to make sure they would fit. Maybe on Sunday we can come back.

My dad went to Trader Joe's later on and came back with food for dinner. Spaghetti and tomato sauce, both OU, Morning Star Farms veggie burgers and something else I can't remember at the moment. Morning Star Farms is OK (Circle K). I told him again the hekhshers I keep and he just looked frustrated. I'm thinking I should just "honor thy parents" and eat what he bought. Rabbi X told me that the hekhshers are there to separate the Jews from the non-Jews, and it's turned into a holier-than-thou thing with all the hekhshers that are out on the market right now. Think about it: Some Lubavitchers keep Cholov Yisroel+Rubashkin, others keep Rubashkin+Chaf K; Black Hats (or the Black Hats I know of at least) keep Pas+Cholov Yisroel. My rabbi from undergrad keeps OU+CRC, and Rabbi X at Hillel recognizes most hekhsherim just not plain K. Seriously, I agree with Rabbi X. Why are the hekhshers such a big deal?

PS: Apparantly, Oneg brand cheese doesn't exist on the west coast...or at least not in my area.

Midwest Flooding

2008-06-13T14:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm back. I haven't updated because my apartment had water damage from the storms earlier in the month.

6/4/2008, my apartment received water damage from the rainstorm. I arrived home around 7pm to find my carpet soaked and a small lake in the middle of my living room. I had spent 2 hours getting home for all the intersections towards my building were flooded, especially downtown. I called my landlady to let her know the extent of the damage. The tenant next door in apartment 3 offered to lend me a wet-dry vaccuum. I took several hardcover books to him for safe-keeping while I dealt with my carpet. I called my bosses between 8:15 and 8:30pm to let them know I would not be in to work the following day. I started packing up all of my things, putting clothes and shoes in garbage bags and putting them in my bathtub, for my town was expected to receive more rain over the next few days. I also took photos of the carpet: in the living room and back into the bedroom. I discovered that my backback, also on the carpet, was soaked, as was everything inside; including class notes and papers from last year which will be painstaking to replace. I started to vacuum the carpet and worked on it for an hour or so, alternating between vaccuuming and packing clothes. I then called a friend, K, to see if I could stay overnight at their apartment.

The next morning, 6/5, I arrived at my apartment to find it more of a mess then the night before. Things looked worse in the 9am morning sunlight. I started to vaccuum the carpet again and then a couple showed up with their wet-dry vac. My landlady had arranged for them to come to my apartment to vaccuum up the water. About 10-15 gallons of water were taken up from my carpet. Since it was a sunny day, I hung out outside and opened the papers and folders from my backpack, as well as course books and dictionaries, moving them as the sun moved higher then lower, throughout the day. By the end of the day the papers had started to dry, but most were still damp, unfortunately. Since the sun was already down, my apartment had started to smell, and the carpets still damp, I called K again to see if I could stay over. They agreed.

The next morning, 6/6, I walked to work, but not before stopping by my apartment to check on things. I also packed up all the dry food into bags as well as milk and steak I had in the freezer. Im case the rains flooded my apartment, I wanted things out so I could eat them later on. I grabbed some leftover matzah and munched on that during my walk to work. Over lunch I went home to grab a few more. Friday afternoon my apartment still smelled and had wet carpet, so I asked a co-worker if I could stay with him and his family overnight. I called Rabbi X to see if I could stay with her overnight, and she graciously offered to let me stay until the 10th, and her son later offered to drive me to school the following morning so I could catch the shuttle from campus to the airport an hour away.

Before I left school though, a lot of people--from Rabbi X to co-workers-- have been telling me I should not be obligated to pay rent for June. Someone at work who is also a landlord told me I'm obligated to pay since June 1st came before the storm. Like everyone I have bills to pay, but since I haven't been in my apartment since the 3rd, I don't see why I have to pay. The carpet is damp, it smells, and I haven't lived there for a week. I asked my landlady if I could pro-rate the rent from June1-3, and then 23-30, but she said no. I asked her what I'm supposed to do and she said I "could stay with a friend." Of the people I know in town, how many are actually around and how many I would feel comfortable asking if I could stay with them are two different stories.

Rabbi X and family members said I should look into going to the Legal Clinic on campus, or the Law School. I live down the block from Student Legal Services, but they close at 4.30. I'll have to go there the afternoon of the 24th after I get back. As much as I don't want to pay rent I don't want to sue my landlady, either.

Wedding Woes

2008-05-25T10:13:00.000-07:00

So, I received my wedding invitation Friday afternoon. It's a secular wedding, so that's the first difference. 2.) It's in Las Vegas in August. My dilemma is making it there due to financial constraints. I would *love* to go to the wedding, I'd get to see my friend (the groom), plus my other friends I haven't seen in 4 to 5 years. I even asked a friend to go with me, and he's excited about it too!

Of course, then there's the frustration of what to wear. As I discovered upon opening the invitation, it will be the Ancient Egyptian theme. Yes, the envelope and all included paperwork were of a shimmery gold, and nside the invitation itself was a slip of papyrus. After reading the invitation, saw that the ceremony is be around midday, with a reception to follow.

Hmm, a Las Vegas morning wedding in August? What am I going to wear?

Before I got the invitation I was already on top-of-things, googling "summer wedding" and "summer wedding attire." However, "summer morning theme wedding" didn't help at all, so I'm going with my original idea of a floor-length, A-line, grey silk skirt [which I happen to have in my closet right now :-)] and some sort of dressy top. Now it's summer time which means that most department stores are going to stock skimpy tops and the like which will do nothing for me for this wedding.

Then there's the money factor. As much as I want go, I have to think about how much it's going to cost. Las Vegas isn't that far from my hometown, so I could technically drive up with my sister or something, for that weekend. I'll be home anyhow, so...I guess just wait and see what will work.

However, if I end up going, I will need an appropriate top to go with the skirt. I'm thinking a dressy shell, or boatneck top either with sleeves or can be tznius'd up. Or I could do a dressy V-neck with something under it, but I don't want to look frumpy either. I want to look and dress my age, but still dress appropriately without showing a ton of skin.

Decisions, decisions....

Tznius Clothing Websites (or ones that can be made Tznius)

2008-05-25T09:55:00.000-07:00

The links below cover a range of religious groups: Jewish, Christian, Muslim, and Amish. A little something for everyone, depending on your clothing preferences. Enjoy!

http://apricotapparel.com/
http://www.artizara.com/
http://www.beautifullymodest.com/
http://www.bepreciousclothing.com/
http://www.christa-taylor.com/
http://www.comforteez.com/
http://www.diviinemodestee.com/
https://www.downeastbasics.com/
http://elizamagazine.com/
http://www.eshakti.com/
http://www.funkyfrum.com/
http://www.impelclothing.com/
http://www.jenmagazine.com/
http://www.jenmagazine.com/modest-clothing/modest-clothing.asp
http://www.justdenimskirts.com/
http://www.katescamisoles.com/
http://www.layersclothing.com/
http://www.makeitmodest.com/
http://www.maraboonline.com/
http://www.miabellina.com/
http://www.missgetlucky.com/
http://www.modbeclothing.com/
http://www.mollyme.com/
http://www.mybabyjo.com/
http://www.muslimgirlmagazine.com/
http://www.paulinacarmel.com/
http://www.poshgirlvintage.com/
http://www.purefashion.com/
http://putsomethingon.com/
http://www.rayannesdesign.com/
http://www.rebirthofchic.com/
http://www.revampvintage.com/
http://www.shabbyapple.com/
http://www.shadeclothing.com/
http://www.shukronline.com/
http://www.skirtspot.com/
http://www.stopstaringclothing.com/
http://www.taqwaiman.com/
http://www.theskirtsite.com/
http://twosalty.com/
http://www.vintagehem.com/

Blogs I Read

2008-05-20T13:43:00.001-07:00

http://aidelmaidel.blogspot.com/
http://anotherbt.blogspot.com/
http://badforshidduchim.wordpress.com/
http://chaptzem.blogspot.com/
http://chnightlife.wordpress.com
http://fashionista-cat.blogspot.com/
http://frummeetsworld.wordpress.com/
http://frumsatire.net/
http://www.girlsgonemild.com/
http://girltalk.blogs.com/
http://hijabstyle.blogspot.com/. Cool clothes from the UK, and videos too!
http://marriedinbrooklyn.wordpress.com/
http://blogs.modestlyyours.net/
http://www.modestyzone.net/
http://notahottie.blogspot.com/

A Wedding Invite and Music Browsing

2008-05-14T18:33:00.000-07:00

So...a friend of mine from school I spoke to twice over the weekend emails me Monday morning. In addition to the photos of a recent trip he included (pun intended), he also wrote that he's getting married this summer, and he offered to send me an invitation!

It didn't register until the next morning.

He's getting MARRIED *THIS* August!!!

I didn't quite know how to react, other than:

a.) be ticked-off that he didn't mention this over the phone, and b.) flip-out.

I immediately texted the 2 friends who knew he and I well during our time in school...and received no reply, to my dismay. One however called yesterday evening and we spent about 2 hours catching up and talking about the wedding. My thoughts were, What do I wear to a summer wedding?, How am going to fit in at a secular wedding?, and Do I have to bring a date?

I have never been to a wedding before, secular or religious. The fact that he and I were close doesn't change things, but do I ask him if I can bring a date? Is that even assumed? Having been around the Orthodox, I'm more familiar with their way-of-doing-things: the whole mechitza thing goin' on, separate dancing, and tznius definitely up there. I don't know if grey silk is appropriate for summer, but if I went, I would be the one most covered, that's for sure! And if a date is required, I would like 1 of the 2 friends mentioned above (the guy) to come with me. Now, as far as dancing is concerned (something I don't know how to do in the first place) that might be a bit more complicated.

During our conversation, I told him I'm more religious than the last time we saw each other, which was 4 years ago in school. I mean, I wasn't your party-girl-flaunting-everything then, nor was I before that, but I didn't mention shomer negiah. Or, well, beyond a handshake or the occasional hug (if I know you), but that's a rarity. So, I don't know how he'd take it not dancing without touching, but he's pretty open about religion, though not religious himself. We have interesting discussions about it, religion in general, but he respects what I'm doing.

So, while mulling over this wedding situation I go to YouTube and type in עידן רייכל. The first video that pops up is ממעמקים. Last weekend I met someone new--who knows people where I went to uni-- and I spent some time YouTube-ing "Britain's Got Talent" after our conversation. After that, and catching up on the latest Eurovision, found myself watching a הראל סקעת video called כמה עוד אפשר. Liking the beat, I found another by that artist called לפעמים חלומות מתגשמים. If you want to search for it, a better way of looking would be by its' transliteration, Lifamim Chalomot Mitgashmim. After that, I switched over to German pop with Revolverheld's Freunde Bleiben and Romeo.

Here is my 'Tune-Out-For-Awhile' playlist:

1. עידן רייכל: ממעמקים

2. הראל סקעת: כמה עוד אפשר

3. הראל סקעת: לפעמים חלומות מתגשמים

4. Revolverheld: Freunde Bleiben

5. Revolverheld: Romeo

Throw in La Historia by Marquess, No Angels' Disappear, or something by Cinema Bizarre for good measure, in addition to the nice beats you're set to tune out for a bit. The pop-usual lyrics, never mind the language, are present and accounted for :-p.

Religion: Judaism or Islam?

2008-05-12T19:27:00.000-07:00

Reading about Islam and watching videos about it on YouTube lately [in addition to the great Muslims I've met during this past year at uni! :-)], has me considering switching my faith. However, those who know me would be upset, and my family might not understand. Although, they were pretty understanding and accepting of my 'return to Judaism,' my embracing long skirts and 3/4 tops, so maybe they wouldn't be too freaked if I became Muslim...Then again, maybe they would.

*Note: This is very long.

To give you some background on my current uncertainty, let me tell you about myself. I was raised without much religious encouragement from either of my parents, and found Judaism my first year at university (uni {*See the 'uni' reference above :-)}).

Growing up, I had always known that my father is Jewish and my mother is not, but we didn't celebrate Jewish holidays in any formal way, shape, or form: For Hanukkah (or Chanukkah as I call it now), we exchanged presents, played dreidel, and, (usually I) amassed the largest pile of gelt (or, the gold-foil-wrapped chocolate candy usually in the shape of coins), after the nights were long over. I loved it, if not for the sole purpose of being able to have a ton of chocolate 'left-overs' for a week straight!
:-D

I went to church a few times, but didn't really like it. The whole 'let's sing to (this guy) Jesus' (which was how it sounded to me at least) got on my nerves and I didn't really like it. Especially since the few church after-school worship groups I went to sung the same song to the same guy! Looking back on it, though I didn't realize at the time but, if the after-school study groups were all different, 'Why were they singing to the same guy? Shouldn't they be singing to different people since they were all different churches?' To make a long story short I found Christianity wasn't for me.

Then I found Judaism. Freshman year of university. I slowly got into it, then after a transfer of universities, starting my third year of studies, found myself 15 minutes from a Jewish community that had 3 different Orthodox communities. I embraced all 3 until an incident turned me away from 1 of them. The issue? My sexuality, being incorrectly openly and drunkenly speculated between the hosting-rabbi that Friday evening and several of my-then classmates. One of them approached me at shul one Shabbos a few weeks later and, following Kiddush proceeded to tell me about the incident which occurred weeks before. His orientation was also one focus of the group's conversation. He and I gradually drifted from said rabbi and that group of people, and I have recently found out he is to be married this year! :-D

That aside, the other 2 shuls were fantastic! All of the rabbis welcomed me, and I became close to one family in particular. One with whom I have kept in touch after leaving university. Being around the remaining 2 communities, I began to learn and integrate into my life one part of Halacha, Jewish Law, that I consider very important: Tacharat Hamishpacha, the Laws of Family Purity, within which is Shomer Negiah, or refraining from touching the opposite sex except for the person who is your spouse. Below is an article written for a friend's online magazine:

Now, I realize I may be a bit ahead of myself. Some of you may be wondering, what are Tacharat Hamishpacha, the Laws of Family Purity? Here it is in a nutshell: Taharat Hamishpacha is the manner of conduct in Orthodox circles, where potential spouses do not touch until marriage (sometimes without even an initial handshake beforehand), after which they maintain a strict code of marital intimacy for the rest of their marriage, which for most couples means until death though there are exceptions, like everything. In other words, how often and when they are allowed to fulfill the Tashmish ha-Mite, the nuptial rights as granted to them by their marriage is specifically outlined in the Taharat Hamishpacha.

For those that are wondering, though I'm not Jewish by Halacha (and I know Halacha, thankyouverymuch), I consider myself to be somewhere between the conservative-end of Modern Orthodoxy and Black Hat. Yes, I know that is a range, but what can I do? -smiles-

Continuing from above…Picture this: You and your husband are at home watching a movie or you’ve just finished the dishes. You go through the normal getting-ready-for-bed routine, and then you and your husband get into your beds. Wait, did I really write ‘beds,’ didn’t I mean to keep it singular? No. See, for the duration of a woman’s menstrual cycle and seven days thereafter, the code of intimate conduct between husband and wife is heightened. They may have no physical contact until she immerses in the mikvah (the ritual bath which allows the couple marital intimacy once more). This means no hugging, no kissing, no relations especially, and they are not allowed to pass things to each other either (think the salt shaker or a napkin at the dinner table), on the chance they might accidentally brush hands, and something inappropriate may occur when it is neither the right time nor the right place. (*Note: there are exceptions, like everything.) This may sound extreme to some of you, some might even be thinking, This girl is crazy! What was she thinking? or Why would anyone want to follow such crazy rules?! or They don’t make sense, and don’t fit in with today’s world!

How about my thoughts on this? Perhaps after you look at an example, as well as my reasons for agreeing with these laws, a detail that is somewhat overlooked by the non-Orthodox crowd, you may feel differently. These makes sense to me, and although I was not raised in a religious household, I have come to appreciate and respect them.

However, choosing to be Shomer Negiah (Or 'Shomer,' for those in the know, :-p) presents me with a decision: Either I have to choose between the religious and secular worlds, living in one extreme or the other: completely secular or completely religious. Or I am left with the task of explaining to a potential boyfriend that "I don't want to do x, y, and z before I'm married."

A tough one, isn't it? Now, besides the Shomer Negiah rules, religious dating isn't like secular dating. It's along the lines of Arranged Marriage, with people that know you, (or some use a matchmaker to help), find suitable candidates for you to meet and discuss things to see if you would be suitable for marriage.

Frankly, I’m not so sure what my options are dating and marriage-wise, due to my subject of study and these rules whom no one besides the Orthodox really follow. They make sense to me because I think that touch, intimate or not, can be a powerful thing. Why would someone put time and energy into something when the outcome would only be for temporary gain? Think about it. How many snippets have you read on http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/ or in various magazines, which discuss, complain; bemoan even, dating disasters gone awry (et al), and how persons in them end up in a pattern, going from one to the next, searching for something to replace their previous relationship, a term I use loosely [here].

Thinking about Islam...Muslim women also do not touch until marriage. The modestly laws (for dress) between the two are so similar to each other as well (Laws which I won't go into here).

***

After graduating university and moving to a new city, I feel I have taken on more Halacha, yet am cast into another fishbowl. Where I am is a complete 180 from where I was before, both geographically and religiously. A smaller city, a larger Jewish community as a whole, and a smaller religious one at that, to say the least...

I began class and work in my new city September 2007. Yes, the start of a brand new school year. I was looking forward to it immensely, learning more about a subject I'm passionate about, meeting new people, and playing Jewish Geography with (Jewish) students on campus!

***

Unfortunately, my year was off to a rough start. One of the religious establishments which caters to Jewish students of higher education on university campuses across North America, was particularly unfriendly. In the past, my experience with this particular establishment has not been the greatest, and after another incident, this my second, I felt, or...I feel? have felt? perhaps the past conditional may be appropriate here?...Language students and linguists, feel free to debate over which tense I should have used! (That was my attempt at a joke, for the rest!
:-D)

But in all seriousness, I feel like giving up altogether with Judaism.

My first few weeks on campus were great. I was meeting people and going to services and dinner, but then I ran my mouth about my background (et al); how I'm not Jewish according to Halacha, etc.
One of the people’s whose desire is it to run a religious-establishment-catering-to-Jewish-students-on-campus approached me. Or rather, my rabbi did. Over the phone. I remember it clearly. One Friday afternoon early in the term, he called me after arriving home, his family happy yet tired after the long summer traveling around the Midwest; his wife preparing for Shabbos. He had a moment to spare, and wanted to call to catch up.

He asked about class, about work, and people I was meeting. I said everything was going well, that I was looking forward to that Friday night and the weekend to hang out with Jewish students I had met in previous weeks. He then just told me outright. Not expecting his story, I tried hard to hold back tears until after we ended our conversation.

***

He told me that the person in charge of the religious-establishment-catering-to-Jewish-students-on-campus did not want me at his Shabbos table until I brought him paperwork from a Rabbinic Authority confirming, or, re-affirming, my Jewishness as defined by Halacha.
Too bad it was a bright sunny day that September afternoon...

***

Last I checked, the goal of this religious-establishment-catering -to-Jewish-students-on campus is to engage them, make them feel at home. Unless I'm mistaken, and this is a newly-instated policy, being told--through my rabbi 300 miles away no-less, when the person in question lives 1 block from me-- that my Jewishness is not valid, just tell me to my face instead of beating around the bush! Time was spent tracking down my rabbi, having him phone me to tell me I was not wanted, when it would have been easier to tell me in person, since we're in the same city.

I later found out that some of the Orthodox students attending the center were told of my situation, as well as other students who were asked not to come to dinner until their 'status' was verified. A different local rabbi told me to assume the first would make my situation known. Hearing that didn't make it any easier when it actually happened.

After that, I went to services and dinner, but by a large part, my work kept me from going. Though if I had been able to attend, I'm unsure if I would have anyhow. I ended up attending Shabbos lunch at a fellow student's apartment throughout the year. As usual, with Jews, questions were asked and I was honest with him. One afternoon I asked him point-blank if he has been bothered by my being there for lunch, and he said no. He said "it would be hypocritical" for him to do so, as others who had come for lunch use their mobile phone and leave early, among other things. He and I have had very nice conversations about a multitude of topics, religious and secular. I hope he has a safe flight back to the U.S. after studying in Yeshiva all summer.

Islam has similar beliefs as Judaism, and though, I'll admit, I can't wait to cover my hair when I get married, wearing a veil (or hijab) before then might slightly dissuade me. But only just. The modesty laws are similar, and as for dressing, the only difference now would be covering my hair. Although...the one difference would be that I would not be able to wear the cute clothing that Judaism allows such as from

http://www.funkyfrum.com/. which Islam forbids. I.e. In Judaism, a woman's collarbone, elbows, and knees must be covered at all times. Hence the clothing from Funky Frum. A woman also covers her hair when married and only after marriage. Let's look at Islam where a woman's entire body must be covered at all times, and her hair covered when she is in public. See http://www.shukronline.com/
So... there are some drawbacks to becoming Muslim, and I don't know if I could, or want, to do them. I know focusing on what I would wear is a stupid thing to do, but... -shrugs-

I'm only a young woman in the United States simultaneously trying to figure out religion in a modern secular society and what she wants out of life, while feeling slammed by people whose profession it is to tell others the Laws of an elite club whose entry into which is prevented (on my part) by a technicality.

Yes, Islam is appealing to me after my year, more so and increasing as of late. On the one hand, I would lose everything I have come to regard as second nature (Keeping kosher, doing the tznius-thing, davening on some Shabbos mornings) yet on the other, I could be a potential wife for a friend (maybe? or not...But if I were Muslim that could at least be an avenue to explore, one option for me; one that is currently prohibited due to religious differences). I'm frustrated with how this academic year has ended, both religiously and in my secular life (i.e. applying to grad school). I still don't know what my academic options are for next semester, but...I just have to be patient and keep playing "the waiting game."

Judaism makes it difficult to join the 'club.' Islam is a great deal simpler. You recite a phrase, and start learning the laws (food, clothing, wearing hijab [females]). If there are others in my situation, feel free to message me!

And last but not least,

To put a new spin on Christianity's favorite question:

If you were in my shoes, what would you do: Judaism or Islam?